Dear Reader, how many times have you walked down an airplane aisle? Comfy? The Hag is a size 6, (Okay, Full Disclosure, since she has been home within grabbing distance of her refrigerator, a tight size 6) and she has never been able to walk down an airplane aisle without bumping into seat arms or people arms. Her rollie luggage is 13 inches wide and must be positioned exactly to roll down the aisle.
Now, Delta Airlines is being beaten up by the flight attendants for not offering a uniform dress OVER a SIZE 18. They want at least up to SIZE 28. Here's the article. How the hell can someone a size 18, not to mention a size 28, walk down the damn aisle on the airplane, let alone maneuver a drinks cart or, heaven forbid, help the passengers evacuate the plane?
"The passenger evacuation was halted after the stewardess wedged in the aisle." Wouldn't that be a great lead-in to the evening news?
Another familiar maneuver in airplanes is the 'aisle pass' where two people must pass each other. Usually, each person turns sideways and crab walks past, trying not to brush inappropriately against each other or shove their buttocks in a seated passenger's face. Airline attendants will step into a seat row, which is generally tolerated by passengers as long as they aren't actually being stepped on. How the devil can flight attendant Size 28 manage any of this? They will need three aisles for themselves, and the hell with the passengers.
Now, Dear Reader, visualize the last airplane bathroom you were in. Let your mind wander.
The planes are supposed to be Jumbo. Not the attendants. The Hag has always found the description of an airplane as 'wide-bodied' strange. Now she knows why.
Delta, last the Hag checked, is large in the South, home of the overweight, the fat, and the clinically obese. The flight attendants seem to think these sizes are NORMAL, which, in the South, they may be. Perhaps their reality is a little inflated?
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Mantra
Any day without Engineer Obsessive and Powerpoint is a Good Day.
Many many good days lately, so the Hag hasn't been too bent about the landslide of paperwork pouring in the door. She has forms from her former employer, where she promises not to sue them or bad mouth them (O ha ha), at least not in print, forms about benefits she is losing, benefits she is getting, unemployment forms, Medicare part A B C D and the rest of the alphabet forms for Mr. Hag, medical insurance forms in several flavors, and a stack of brochures, print outs, folders and fliers explaining all the above. The stack is four inches high and growing.
Apparently being laid off is a full time job, judging by the paperwork.
As an antidote to all this bureaucracy, the Hag has taken over the yard work - or Mr. Hag is attempting to supervise the Hag as she does the yard work. He's not bad as a boss: he doesn't show Powerpoint on the weed eater and when she flips him the bird he doesn't clutch his chest and yell for a lawyer.
Faint and far away, the Hag has heard things are not well with Former Employer. Tsk, tsk. Also that certain functions are being missed. Awwww. Good.
Any day without Engineer Obsessive and Powerpoint ...
Many many good days lately, so the Hag hasn't been too bent about the landslide of paperwork pouring in the door. She has forms from her former employer, where she promises not to sue them or bad mouth them (O ha ha), at least not in print, forms about benefits she is losing, benefits she is getting, unemployment forms, Medicare part A B C D and the rest of the alphabet forms for Mr. Hag, medical insurance forms in several flavors, and a stack of brochures, print outs, folders and fliers explaining all the above. The stack is four inches high and growing.
Apparently being laid off is a full time job, judging by the paperwork.
As an antidote to all this bureaucracy, the Hag has taken over the yard work - or Mr. Hag is attempting to supervise the Hag as she does the yard work. He's not bad as a boss: he doesn't show Powerpoint on the weed eater and when she flips him the bird he doesn't clutch his chest and yell for a lawyer.
Faint and far away, the Hag has heard things are not well with Former Employer. Tsk, tsk. Also that certain functions are being missed. Awwww. Good.
Any day without Engineer Obsessive and Powerpoint ...
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Don't Worry, Be Happy
The Hag is out of practice at happy. Also way out of practice at relaxed. She has post-doctoral degrees in worry, fear, paranoia, stress, anger, and the terminal boredom caused by Powerpoint.
Today she said to Mr. Hag, "I'm sleeping too much." "So what?" he said.
Indeed.
Time will get you through times with little money better than big money will get you through losing time. Or, the Hag prefers having the time to sit and think, over the tense craziness of earning corporate dollars.
Mr. Hag: "How many years did you work for them?"
Hag: "Thirty years, over three jobs."
Mr. Hag: "Relax. You've earned it."
Thank you, dear.
Today she said to Mr. Hag, "I'm sleeping too much." "So what?" he said.
Indeed.
Time will get you through times with little money better than big money will get you through losing time. Or, the Hag prefers having the time to sit and think, over the tense craziness of earning corporate dollars.
Mr. Hag: "How many years did you work for them?"
Hag: "Thirty years, over three jobs."
Mr. Hag: "Relax. You've earned it."
Thank you, dear.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
The Hag is Not Dead
But you all thought she was, didn't you. Fess up now. Oh, you've all given up (all two of you) and gone away. Them's the breaks.
So what has the Hag been doing? Well ... having a nervous breakdown, actually. Seriously. The Hag does not recommend it. Work stress broke her down, and she had to go back into therapy and take serious meds. That was October and November and December. Between the pharmaceuticals and the blabbing things started to clear up in January.
Not that work or Engineer Obsessive got any better. The Hag was able to cope with them without falling apart, crying on vice-presidents, or going postal. Options one and two had already happened and things were under control before she got to option three.
With the economy making economists out of us all, the Hag's employer fell back on their default strategy: off with their heads. They laid off a quarter of the company, including the Hag.
The Hag isn't sure whether it's the meds or having done her grieving last fall, but it was almost painless. Engineer Obsessive was a great help. Reliably, he spurted insane comment after clueless statement, followed by impossible orders, so the Hag spent the final month shrieking with laughter and doing verbatim reports to an appreciative audience.
And so, the Hag is home, and oh so happy to be there. The first Monday she carried her coffee out to the deck, sat there, and listened to the birds. With luck she will never have to see any of those management jerks ever again, and this gives her a little warm glow all over. Of course, that could just be a hot flash.
What will the Hag do now? No idea. Sleep. Tease cats. Tease Mr. Hag. Read. Write. Eventually, she may have to seek paid employment. Feh. But not for a good long time.
So what has the Hag been doing? Well ... having a nervous breakdown, actually. Seriously. The Hag does not recommend it. Work stress broke her down, and she had to go back into therapy and take serious meds. That was October and November and December. Between the pharmaceuticals and the blabbing things started to clear up in January.
Not that work or Engineer Obsessive got any better. The Hag was able to cope with them without falling apart, crying on vice-presidents, or going postal. Options one and two had already happened and things were under control before she got to option three.
With the economy making economists out of us all, the Hag's employer fell back on their default strategy: off with their heads. They laid off a quarter of the company, including the Hag.
The Hag isn't sure whether it's the meds or having done her grieving last fall, but it was almost painless. Engineer Obsessive was a great help. Reliably, he spurted insane comment after clueless statement, followed by impossible orders, so the Hag spent the final month shrieking with laughter and doing verbatim reports to an appreciative audience.
And so, the Hag is home, and oh so happy to be there. The first Monday she carried her coffee out to the deck, sat there, and listened to the birds. With luck she will never have to see any of those management jerks ever again, and this gives her a little warm glow all over. Of course, that could just be a hot flash.
What will the Hag do now? No idea. Sleep. Tease cats. Tease Mr. Hag. Read. Write. Eventually, she may have to seek paid employment. Feh. But not for a good long time.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Your Phased
Considering all the current madness, the Hag wishes to return to her roots. There's nothing more heartening than a good rant about trivia, and grammatical trivia at that.
People, please. 'Your' is a possessive. For example, your idiocy, your lack of education, your lack of grammar, or your lack of ability to pay attention to whatever the hell you post. The Hag assumes you are posting because you are (or you're, see next paragraph) interested in the subject, or have a critical or funny comment to make on the passing scene. But she will discount, ignore, or stop reading any post or page using 'your' as a synonym for 'you're'.
You're is a contraction of 'you are'. As in, you're an idiot, you're uneducated, you're not going to get a job if the hiring manager has the literacy level of a high school graduate. Perhaps the Hag should modify that to a high school graduate from a competent school, and even that might be pushing it.
Read your sentence aloud. If you can use 'you are' and the sentence sounds meaningful, then the correct spelling is 'you're'. If that makes no sense, use the possessive 'your'. If neither one makes sense when read aloud, delete the sentence and think about what you are (you're) doing.
Next rant: Fazed and Phased are different words and they mean different things. There is a term for this in English, but the Hag will not bother your (possessive) little head with it. Fazed means disconcerted, or to be driven back by opposition. It's commonly used in the negative: She was not fazed by the criticism but continued to argue her point. (Yes, it's a cliche, but at this level who cares?) Phased means to introduce in stages, for example, they phased in a series of unpleasant and unwelcome changes. For some reason the Zeitgeist (look it up) uses phased for both, leading to gobbledygook like 'my wife and I are not phased by the current financial situation'. Well, let us hope the pair of you communicate via cell phone only.
People, please. 'Your' is a possessive. For example, your idiocy, your lack of education, your lack of grammar, or your lack of ability to pay attention to whatever the hell you post. The Hag assumes you are posting because you are (or you're, see next paragraph) interested in the subject, or have a critical or funny comment to make on the passing scene. But she will discount, ignore, or stop reading any post or page using 'your' as a synonym for 'you're'.
You're is a contraction of 'you are'. As in, you're an idiot, you're uneducated, you're not going to get a job if the hiring manager has the literacy level of a high school graduate. Perhaps the Hag should modify that to a high school graduate from a competent school, and even that might be pushing it.
Read your sentence aloud. If you can use 'you are' and the sentence sounds meaningful, then the correct spelling is 'you're'. If that makes no sense, use the possessive 'your'. If neither one makes sense when read aloud, delete the sentence and think about what you are (you're) doing.
Next rant: Fazed and Phased are different words and they mean different things. There is a term for this in English, but the Hag will not bother your (possessive) little head with it. Fazed means disconcerted, or to be driven back by opposition. It's commonly used in the negative: She was not fazed by the criticism but continued to argue her point. (Yes, it's a cliche, but at this level who cares?) Phased means to introduce in stages, for example, they phased in a series of unpleasant and unwelcome changes. For some reason the Zeitgeist (look it up) uses phased for both, leading to gobbledygook like 'my wife and I are not phased by the current financial situation'. Well, let us hope the pair of you communicate via cell phone only.
Friday, September 05, 2008
What a Relief It Isn't
The Hag is still employed, she is surprised to report, although this may be due to incompetence on the part of EO. He's not happy with her, but his preferred methodology seems to be avoidance (maybe she'll go away on her own) rather than confrontation.
In other news, -- work is boring -- Cat One is very ill and may not be with us long. Kidneys. She's still eating and yowling and cleaning herself, napping and shedding, all the cat stuff, but her blood tests are awful and she's losing weight like crazy, despite the Hag and Mr. Hag pushing pills down her nonstop.
Mr. Hag is not handling this well. He's worrying himself to bits right alongside the cat, although he refuses to consider euthanasia. For the cat, not for him. Although ... never mind.
The Hag isn't happy either, and it's not easy dealing with hysterical husband, dying cat, idiotic boss, and other life events all at the same time. She wishes she hadn't given up hard liquor in quantities, because she needs a break. She just returned to work from a two week vacation spent taking the cat to the vet and wondering if she would have a job to return to, and things aren't getting any better.
In fact, the only bright spot is the new book draft, which was read by the Deadline Club and approved. This is good, because the first chapter of the second half was extremely difficult to write and hearing that it made sense and was coherent and interesting was a big boost. She's about 2/3 through the first draft. With luck, she can get some more done this weekend.
Okay, booze is out. How about a nice iced coffee?
In other news, -- work is boring -- Cat One is very ill and may not be with us long. Kidneys. She's still eating and yowling and cleaning herself, napping and shedding, all the cat stuff, but her blood tests are awful and she's losing weight like crazy, despite the Hag and Mr. Hag pushing pills down her nonstop.
Mr. Hag is not handling this well. He's worrying himself to bits right alongside the cat, although he refuses to consider euthanasia. For the cat, not for him. Although ... never mind.
The Hag isn't happy either, and it's not easy dealing with hysterical husband, dying cat, idiotic boss, and other life events all at the same time. She wishes she hadn't given up hard liquor in quantities, because she needs a break. She just returned to work from a two week vacation spent taking the cat to the vet and wondering if she would have a job to return to, and things aren't getting any better.
In fact, the only bright spot is the new book draft, which was read by the Deadline Club and approved. This is good, because the first chapter of the second half was extremely difficult to write and hearing that it made sense and was coherent and interesting was a big boost. She's about 2/3 through the first draft. With luck, she can get some more done this weekend.
Okay, booze is out. How about a nice iced coffee?
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Over The Edge
True, the Hag has not posted in a while. The Hag's boss, Engineer Obsessive, has been going through a particularly irritating phase for the last several months, and frankly the Hag has been very depressed.
The past few days, EO has reached new depths of idiocy, and the Hag finally, finally, started fighting back. Reasoning with the moron wasn't working, so the Hag did what EO has been telling her to do for two years.
She's talking to her customers.
Now, the Hag talks to her customers all the time, but on this particular issue EO had said, 'o, this is a management decision, and we won't discuss it with them.'
Translation: They won't like it so we'll do it and then it will be too late for them to fix it.
The Hag had had enough, so she mentioned it to several customers, who were predictably very very unhappy with the idea, and said, 'mention it to a few people, will you?'
O Baby. A senior manager WHO THE HAG HAD NEVER MET marched up to her desk and said, 'What is this I hear?' And he's organizing a meeting of other senior research people and IT IS NOW A MOVEMENT. The Hag could not stop this if she wanted to. And she doesn't want to.
Oh and one other thing: in the course of this battle, the Hag went over EO's head to his manager and said, 'Stop with the death-of-a-thousand-cuts already. Lay me off.'
The Hag can tell you, from personal experience, that finally putting it all on the line is very freeing. Very. Whatever happens, she actually did the right thing.
The past few days, EO has reached new depths of idiocy, and the Hag finally, finally, started fighting back. Reasoning with the moron wasn't working, so the Hag did what EO has been telling her to do for two years.
She's talking to her customers.
Now, the Hag talks to her customers all the time, but on this particular issue EO had said, 'o, this is a management decision, and we won't discuss it with them.'
Translation: They won't like it so we'll do it and then it will be too late for them to fix it.
The Hag had had enough, so she mentioned it to several customers, who were predictably very very unhappy with the idea, and said, 'mention it to a few people, will you?'
O Baby. A senior manager WHO THE HAG HAD NEVER MET marched up to her desk and said, 'What is this I hear?' And he's organizing a meeting of other senior research people and IT IS NOW A MOVEMENT. The Hag could not stop this if she wanted to. And she doesn't want to.
Oh and one other thing: in the course of this battle, the Hag went over EO's head to his manager and said, 'Stop with the death-of-a-thousand-cuts already. Lay me off.'
The Hag can tell you, from personal experience, that finally putting it all on the line is very freeing. Very. Whatever happens, she actually did the right thing.
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